My (un)solicited future marriage advice from me, to me.
Although I love concepts like change, transition, and novelty; and have had ample experience with them since about the time I was 3 years old, the anticipation of it all tends to make me anxious. And by anxious, I mean like whacked out, stressed, worried, doubtful, and self-defeating.
Would it surprise you if I told you the same emotions returned as I prepare to say “I Do” to my forever love in less than 2 days?
Didn’t think so.
But after driving home from my last day in the office before the wedding/honeymoon this weekend, I listened to Bethel Music’s “King of My Heart“ on repeat (about 9 times or so – no joke), with all the wet, soggy, ugly, cathartic tears absolutely flooding my face. The sheer awareness of God’s faithfulness and promises, despite what the enemy tries to sabotage, will do that to you.
Determination, grit, and resilience have always been three of my better qualities. So maybe this post is more of a fighting love letter – for me, for my future marriage, and hopefully even for you, too. Because although our journeys all take unique turns, they’re all leading us to the same doorstep. They’re all taking us home.
For now, these are my final words as a Miss – the Kaitlyn Veronica Hiltz I’ve always been, always known, and always learned how to love. Consider it a sort of time-capsule letter to myself, as I soon become a Mrs.
1 – Stay; even when everything in you wants to run, hide, and storm out. (Quote, ‘failing’ at D1 field hockey taught you that.)
2 – Keep your fighting spirit but only fight in love; for love. (Ask yourself – what are you fighting for?)
3 – Always believe that you are safe. Focus on the lighthouse, not the rocky shore.
4 – Remember how God continues to carry you when the waves are mounting and the storm rages on. (Has he ever abandoned you?)
5 – Understand that to get respect, you have to give it first. To yourself, definitely to your husband, and certainly to others.
6 – Own that the biggest problem in your marriage is you. Keep a growth mindset and be open to where you stand in error. (Constant defensiveness is unbecoming. You are not on trial. Don’t always make Connor be the first to apologize.)
7 – Renew your mind. The enemy will run with anything you give him and he has no place in your heart, your home, or your marriage.
8 – Happiness is not a destination. It is a state of mind. You can bring it with you everywhere you go.
9 – Protect the intimacy of your relationship with every fiber of your being. When resolving conflict, first seek to reestablish the intimacy.
10 – God’s word is truly a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path. [Psalm 119:105]
11 – Always be a Daughter first. Then be a wife. Then someday, God-willing, be a mother.
12 – Trust that you can do hard things. You have always been more capable than you’ve ever given yourself credit for.
13 – Remember that money & material belongings will not satisfy you. Nor will everything you see on Instagram, Amazon, and Target. (Sigh).
14 – Invest in girl friendships. Show up for them. Remember that your husband is your best friend, not your (girly) friend.
15 – Be encouraged: Boundaries do not restrict you. They free you. ‘No’ is not a bad word. Neither is ‘yes’. Use them both wisely.
16 – Your body will change. And then it will change again. Keep learning to love it anyway. It is still powerful, still valuable, and still simply the vessel in which you get around on this earth.
17 – ^Take really, really good care of it. Don’t apologize for the expensive grocery bill. (I’ll clip coupons, ok, CP?)
18 – Make time for what makes you tick—reading, writing, working out, exploring, etc. Be disciplined about it, but not rigid. (“Sometimes the interruption is the assignment.” -Steven Furtick)
19 – Self-care isn’t selfish. (i.e.: Baths complete with salts & fizzies, candles, music, and maybe a glass of red wine for good measure.)
20 – Do not allow yourself to become resentful over socks on the floor, dirty dishes, and heaven forbid, when/if the trash doesn’t get taken out. That will never be the real mess of the matter. (Vow to not make your marriage about 50/50, ok?)
21 – Always keep a cold bottle of champagne in the fridge. You never know when the moment will quickly call for celebration.
22 – Ask people for help, and even before that, ask for the Holy Spirit. (Doing so a million times a day is perfectly acceptable.)
23 – Go to sleep and let it go. His mercies are new every morning. (Receive and emulate that.)
24 – Forget ‘the list’ and live in the moment. Moments are everything. Don’t miss them. (Connor showed you that.)
With love – now & when…